To Love Is To Mourn
by Phoenix1337
Summary: Exactly one year after Thor took Loki back to Asguard, he and his brother appear in a forest. Loki is on the brink of death, and the one being that can bring him back has been banished from Asguard. She must search all of the Nine realms to find him when he is stolen again to save his life... and to keep Asguard from being destroyed. Loki/OC. ON HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1 - Just Breathe

**_IMPORTANT: This story will no doubt be confusing at first. It is meant to be that way. Everything will clear up eventually. For now, make as much sense of it as you can._ **

**Anyway, what was I going to say? Oh yes, this will be a multi-chapter story. This is a short chapter, but they will get longer, don't worry. The more you review, the faster I will try to upload, okay? **

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(Brother, are you there?)

I hadn't wanted to do what I did. The Chitauri took my will and my soul and then directed my body like a puppet.

(Brother, what is wrong?)

Watching, helpless, sickened as I felt the warm, wet blood on my hands and the rolling nausea and terror that I couldn't stop. Seeing the city burn and hearing the tortured screams, knowing it was my fault. Always will be, always was. And feeling that my warped mind _enjoyed _it.

(Hold on brother, we are nearly to safety.)

-not brother-

What had I ever done to deserve it? I was weak, despicable, not worth it. But I killed. Perhaps the punishment came before the crime? Nothing made sense anymore. Had it ever? Weak, worthless, despicable being. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve death either.

(Brother, please!)

Just breathe. Don't move, don't speak, or they'll find you.

/You're just like me./

(Loki!)

/A monster!/

Just breathe.

Why?

Why should I?

Why should I live?

Why shouldn't I die?

He didn't deserve either.

Just breathe.

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**Please review, or Loki will turn you into a nut... hehehe.**


	2. Chapter 2 - Sweet Darkness

How long was it dark? How long had unconsciousness reigned over me? It didn't matter. Where had my carefree, childlike side gone? Stolen by the Chitauri. Pain, agony, sickening despair, overwhelming and overflowing inside me.

(Brother, you are alive!)

-not brother-

Why did I deny it? Why did I deny my savior, the one that released me from my prison of tears, the one that didn't despise me utterly? Because it was true. Because I was filth. A Frost Giant runt. A monster.

/You're just like me./

Who was that? It didn't matter either. Just another voice in my cluttered, empty mind. Don't pay attention to it, just ignore it, just-

/A tortured spirit./

-breathe. Nothing else, or they'll find you.

(Please, Loki. Come back, brother./

-not brother-

Did I deserve the torture? No. I hadn't done anything wrong. It hadn't been me. I was- I was… innocent? Hardly. I had murdered those people. It had been my blades that slit their throats, my power that had torn them away from their families, never to return. It had been my words, my commands that had destroyed the lives of innocent civilians.

Just breathe. Don't speak, they'll use your words against you. They already have. Concentrate on your breath. It hurts. That's good. Pain is good. Death is the coward's way out, but you are below a coward. Death is far, far too sweet a reward for what you've done.

"Loki, wake up, please."

Thor gently shook his brother's still body, but the fallen god did not respond, much less wake. His ivory skin was a sickly pale, but it was nearly all covered up by his blood, and the wounds on his body were almost too much to look at. Some of them still bled and there was nothing Thor could do about it. Thor had found Loki, his baby brother, about to be executed by the ones all of Asguard had believed were his allies. Thor was starting to doubt everything he had thought about Loki. Just what was the real reason behind his attack on Midguard.

A dull thudding pounded in Thor's head, and he recognized it as the sound of a helicopter. The Midguardians had no doubt noticed the energy portal he had come through, and SHIELD was probably on the way. Thor waited, and a few moments later the black and foreboding shape of a SHIELD quinjet blotted out the sky. The quinjet touched down in the broken field he had accidentally created, its hatch opening to let pour forth dozens of SHIELD agents. Thor began to grow uneasy. They knew he was an ally, so why were they aiming their weapons at he and Loki?

A familiar face appeared among the agents: Natasha Romanov, the infamous Black Widow. She strode over to them, a calm look on her face, but Thor noticed how her hands hovered near her daggers. She smiled, but it was nowhere near her eyes.

"Thor. I thought you had gone back to Asguard for good."

Thor frowned and took a breath, glaring at the SHIELD agents that were inching closer.

"It is a long story. My brother desperately needs aide. Will you assist him?"

Natasha's eyes narrowed fractionally, and her fingers brushed the hilt of her dagger.

"He is supposed to be serving his sentence."

Thor winced and glanced at the still-unconscious form of his brother lying limply in the dirt.

"He has served his sentence and so much more, Lady Romanov. Believe me. Loki desperately needs medical aide, and he will surely die if you do not help him."

Natasha hesitated before sighing. She nodded at a few of the agents, who cautiously edged forward to carry the god to the quinjet. Thor tightened his grip on Mjolnir but he said nothing as he followed Natasha to the ship.

He did, however, protest when he saw Loki being dragged into another part of the ship.

"Where are you taking him?" He demanded.

"Loki is a very dangerous war criminal. Proper procedures must be followed."

Thor growled and raised Mjolnir, but Natasha must have expected that. As soon as he moved, a needle was plunged into his shoulder, draining its contents into his bloodstream. Thor felt his limbs grow heavy. Desperation still fueled him, so he desperately sent Loki a command.

(Loki RUN!)

Where am I? Am I still a prisoner of the Chitauri? If so, why is there so little pain? They would never allow mw to heal this long, never. As it is, I can barely draw breath, but that is fine by me. I can faintly hear voices. They are not in my head this time. I hear shouting, a familiar growl, I can sense anger in the air-

/Run./

What? I cannot move! Do I still have a body, or did the Chitauri take that too? I can't tell..

/Go now, run, they're coming./

But I can't move! What is going on? I feel strange, like I am trapped inside a moving container. Am I going somewhere? Am I being stolen again? Not again…

(Loki RUN!)

I am not sure how, but I do. I run. Like every time before.

Breathe. In, out, in, out, just breathe. Run as fast as you can. Don't look back. Ah! Pain, splitting consuming burning devouring can't run can't walkhurts-

Ignore it.

/You left your brother why did you leave him why why why did you betray him but he told you to run to leave him behind why?/

RunrunrunrunrunrunPAINrunrunrunbreathedon'tstopjus trunrunrunAGONY.

Been hit, feel the blood hot slick wetness running down dripping pouring out-

Wipe it off and keep going. Freedom is so close.

-brother not brother must rescue leave NO-

Can't breathe no air suffocating burning aching pressure pain what happened what's going on nothing works Nonononono.

/Loki!/

(Brother!)

Sweet darkness, so sweet tantalizing relief drowning darkness so sweet soft comfortable PAIN-

Nothing.


End file.
